Being an observer is so much fun. Except for the parts where you find yourself crying, because you never do anything yourself. As an observer we trade tears for one of the most precious gems our great green menagerie can offer - wisdom. Not that I have any. I have my own perspective, though. For some my perspective might be wisdom, for others meh and for the rest total bollocks.
Oi vey, fellows! Something I have spent way too much time observing is the dynamic and chemistry between two lovers or potential lovers. My observations are very much limited to heterosexual relations, I'm afraid, and virtually none of my own. Sorry LGBT friends.
Anyway, I find an injustice in the accepted norm. Men are expected to pursue a lady whom he vested his eyes upon from afar, a la The Notebook. The idea is not to get to know the woman for who she really is - what scares her, what makes her happy, what her hopes for this life is. Oh no, this information is irrelevant. You must scout out the most attractive female and try to gain her number. No, not the one that you would be able to share a laugh with on a rainy day or the one that stays loyal to you in spite of outside pressure. Simply the one who makes you tingle on the inside and in certain places, actually. You must garner the little bit of self-confidence you have left and go up and face certain rejection from the female who is supposed to play hard to get. No, she is not allowed to give this brave man a chance, because she has been told to be an ice queen. Men are pigs, the only want to have sex with you. Well, if he approaches you in a bar, he probably wants that.
Then comes the pursuit. Honesty and practicality is not important. It's all about which man can display the biggest fireworks. The one who can organize a flashmob for her to feel like she is in a musical. The one who can put the biggest Carbon-Carbon-Carbon.... ring upon her finger.
Why are we humans so attached to gestures and signs? Actually, why are we so attached to and glamorise one-off events such as the proposal, my training for a two week Olympic Games or a few hour long wedding ceremony? Why are we not more interested in what comes after the pursuit? The companionship of having someone who will join you on a year-long roadtrip on a moment's notice. The peace of knowing someone will love you regardless of whether you lost your face when your workplace took fire. The joy of waking up next to your special person for the rest of your life. Why don't we romanticise companionship as we do romance and dating?
You know what also sucks about being a male? Unless your significant other or girlfriend is Victoria Secret level hot, you are an absolute failure. You may be the most successful accountant in your company's history, the man who spends all his free time working at charities, the man who still keeps in touch with his family and the one who is intelligent, but have an average looking lady and you immediately a "Beta Male". You can be the biggest scum on earth, but if you have a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit covergirl vainly by your side, you are hailed and revered by all men.
Why does physical appearance matter so much to us men? Why do friends, family and society pressure us to believe that we are subordinate men, lest our women are beautiful?
What if I love her for 1000 more reasons than the fleeting vanity?
Why must we remain quiet about the way we feel? Saying you feel a certain emotion when being in someone's presence is not saying "You are now bound to me and struggling against the bondage will only hurt you." It is merely me not trying to hold a false front in front of you.
Why are men always expected to lead and to pursue?
Why can women not stop wishing upon a star hoping that mr. Right will coming swooping into their lives? Can't you just go out and look for him yourself?
Then when the pursuit is over, then the man's work is over. Oh you, got to put a ring on her finger and now you are released of all duties you previously had towards her. Now the missus needs to do everything.
Crash boom bang, another divorce, because we have been indoctrinated by society to believe that there should lopsided efforts in the whole spectrum of a relationship. Man does everything at the start and woman does everything towards the dénouement.
Goodness me, the system is broken. Society wants men to vainly chase after the most attractive female in his tribe and the woman to only accept the attempts of the flashiest man. No thought to children and companionship. No wonder you don't have anything to talk about anymore. You though infatuation will last forever.
It does not.
Love, however, does.
Forgiveness and acceptance go a long way.
My soul shall ever wander the lone trail, until it leads to whom I can call mine
Even then shall I wander
But not solitary
Equality in pursuit, courtship and love is all I really want.
Goodness this was quite poorly written
I'll have to revist
TheLonelyman
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